That has been me these last few days. I’m in the midst of living away from my family this week as I returned to Canada to continue the fishing business and the family stayed home. With a few bumps recently in the pregnancy, it didn’t make sense for this trip to haul Heather and all the kids back up here. So I’m working while they are together, there in Edmonds, so far from here.
This loneliness has chewed on my soul this week, a gnawing restless and weary state that has me in a detached state of mind. When our core is unsettled, all is unsettled. I’ve had an unsettled soul. I’ve been sleeping bad- waking up in the morning with sore jaw muscles from stressing all night. One night I had terrible dreams of people trying to do me harm. My soul has been aching. I’ve been in a fog.
Where do you go when you find yourself in this place? What do you do? We all get in these fogs at times- how do we carve our way out? I haven’t had tons of answers this week as I continue to work and struggle for meaning away from those I love. Yesterday, just 12 hours after the fog of the picture above, the sun broke over the inside passage dawn in amazing ways. I opened my bible and just begged for God to give me some nourishment for my weary soul. “God,” I said, “I really need some strength today. Some power. Something good.” We come to these spots where we need God to meet us in our broken spaces.
From Acts: “The God who made the world and everything in it, this Master of sky and land, doesn’t live in custom-made shrines or need the human race to run errands for him, as if he couldn’t take care of himself. He makes the creatures; the creatures don’t make him. Starting from scratch, he made the entire human race and made the earth hospitable, with plenty of time and space for living so we could seek after God, and not just grope around in the dark but actually find him. He doesn’t play hide-and-seek with us. He’s not remote; he’s near. We live and move in him, can’t get away from him! One of your poets said it well: ‘We’re the God-created.’
Yes, I’m the God created. And God wants me to seek Him, and live and move in Him, and be alive. Yes, this is what I needed. Yes this is the true that has been muddled in a tough and emotional week. God wants me to be filled up.
With hope again ringing in my ears and the mist of the spiritual and metaphorical ( and literal) fog clearing, I grabbed one of the kayaks at the water’s edge and paddled around Meynell Point to witness the sun come up. The water was glass and nobody was near and I paddled down into the little bay by the freshwater creek running past the bluff. Herring jumped and broke the otherwise still water. A pair of eagles flew over and then sat on trees above me. I sat there and let the kayak just drift along with the tide. And I held onto those words, “we’re the God created. He’s not remote, He’s near!”
It was so pure and refreshing and recharging its hard to put it into words. But it was medicine for my weary soul. It was the good news I was clinging to. The hope I desired. When we seek Him, He doesn’t hide Himself. God wants us to be aware of His nearness. We go to the bible to remember this, and then we step outside, into His workshop to see with our own eyes the wonders He has created.
Thank you Lord for the reminder. Thank you for the peace. Thank you for melting the fog. Thank you for being near. I love you. -Scott