Ever have a bad day? Or a couple strung together? Personally after a week of sick kids and sick myself and pressure weighing down on me on several fronts, I have felt low on energy and zapped. I know (with my head) that I should be grateful, that things will turn out okay, that things could be worse so count your blessings today…yada yada yada. But with my heart, I’m just feeling a bit low.
It seems I’ve spent the last few days in a bit of a funk. It is easy as a business owner or pastor or husband or (fill in the blank) to fill a lot of pressure to perform. The world conveys, “you must have all the answers.” And too often in our Christian world we convey the same. If I admit I’m having a bad day, I must be saying that God can’t provide for me. This is the attitude we carry with us.
“I’m on the run
I’m on the ropes this time
Where is my song?
I’ve lost the song of my soul tonight.”
The song of my soul. I love that phrase. It has me thinking, “What is the song of my soul?” What is the story I tell by the outward living and breathing and humming of my spirit? If someone stood near me for a while, what would they hear my life speaking towards? As Christians we’ve become pros of talking a lot about the things we’re against, instead of singing passionately about the things we are for. See the difference? If we’re identified as God’s people (the church) merely for our attitudes against certain behaviors or thoughts or actions, that isn’t the same thing as being passionately “for Christ”. For me, I want to spend my life singing songs that speak of a great love instead of just railing against people that seem different than me. The song continues:
“Sing it out
Sing it out
Take what is left of me
Make it a melody
Sing it out
Sing out loud
I can’t find the words to sing
You be my remedy.”
David writes in Psalm 20, “We will sing for You over your victory, and in the name of our God we will set up our banners.” What banner are you flying right now? What song is on your lips?
David starts this Psalm with a promise of provision’ “May the Lord answer you in the day of trouble!…May He send you help from the sanctuary.” Can I confess something to you though? When I read these words I too easily fall back on my own selfish desires, my own needs for self-gratification and paths made straight and to get all the answers for how my present riddles turn out. This is my point- am I looking for God to be the answer to my questions? Or simply asking God to give me easy answers?
I’ll sing with what’s left of me.”
I’m off to Canada for the day…but I’m going to try and sing with what’s left of me.